Thursday, May 22, 2014

Life Lately

This post has been a bit delayed because I didn't quite know how to bring it up.  Normally I'd leave a paragraph or two in an outfit post for some personal stuff but I've decided to give this a post of it's own.  So what's the big deal?  After some long thought and lots of conversations with Kevin, I've decided to become a stay at home mom.

Bianca

It was always the plan to stay home as long as our finances were in line.  The thing was, I started feeling guilty about it.  I don't know what your personal feelings are, but I feel like being a stay at home mom kind of has a negative connotation among the feminist culture of today.  Until I became a mom I was very independent.  I pride myself for going through school and excelling in a difficult job.  At that time I wasn't even thinking about a family but I knew I'd be willing to give it up for my child.

Bianca

When the time came to make a decision, I tried to make things work.  Maybe work twice a week?  Unfortunately, we don't have a designated person who could watch her those days.  I know I'm overprotective (and for personal reasons I know I should be) but I don't want her to go to a daycare or an unknown caretaker when she's this small.  If something bad is happening, she's just not old enough to tell me.  I also wanted to be present for every milestone.  I just know I'd be crushed if I missed her first word or first steps while I was working.  So the answer was clear: I was staying home.

Bianca

I was scared at first.  Mostly because we've never lived off one income.  It's not even the fear of not having enough money (we live well within our means and my income doesn't need to be supplemented) but the idea of having someone else cover my share of the household.  I've always handled my own bills, so it's really odd to have Kevin pay for mine.  I know we're married and such, but I've never given anybody my complete trust in everything.  I almost feel bad!  I know it's stupid but it was almost like exposing myself in a way I've never done before.  Thankfully we live debt free and I don't have any crazy bills that I've been hiding :).

Bianca

So I'm starting a whole new journey in my life.  It's kind of weird but still a lot of work!  Staying home with a baby isn't all soap operas and bonbons.  It's making sure my baby is happy, learning new things, keeping her entertained (that part is hard!), and taking care of our dogs and our home.  It's a work shift that doesn't pay and truly never ends.  I'm on call 24/7!  It's the ultimate sacrifice but something I was more than willing to do when I knew I was having a sweet little baby :).

Bianca

Bianca

Bianca

Bianca

xoxo

Ashley

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16 comments:

  1. Aw how precious! The mirror shot is just adorable

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  2. It's totally feminist to be a stay at home mom! :D The wonderful thing about feminism is the ability to choose what you want to be. There may be some "feminists" that would be against that, but their isms don't often align with feminism. It's a hard decision, and it feels really weird at first (well, or so my friends have said) but you're doing some pretty hard core and rad stuff because taking care of a baby isn't easy and incredibly admirable regardless.

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  3. Okay, so I'm not a mom, but I TOTALLY get what you're saying. Recently I was telling people I was considering working part-time instead of full-time and I got some weiiiiird backlash from people! Someone even told me I was "going against feminism!" I wrote about it on my blog and felt weird about the whole thing. I also felt strangely guilty about wanting to work part-time so I could take care of my life, pets and husband (he works like 60 hours a week!). Anyway, even though I'm not a stay at home mom, I get what you're going through. But, you have to make the decision that's best for you and your life! As someone else said, feminism just means that we get to choose what we want to do. And I think you made a great choice. :)
    <3
    Amy
    http://hipsterbrarian.blogspot.com/

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  4. I think it's so sad that stay-at-home mom does have kind of a bad connotation with it nowadays. My mom was always stay-at-home and I really respect her for that--us kids were a lot of work! I think you made a good decision!

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  5. Good for you - it sounds like you are thrilled with the decision! I'm happy for you! If I were in your shoes, I'd probably make the same decision! Since we're close to family and my husband works from home, I'm going to stick to two days/week (at least that's the plan, you never know!).. but if I didn't have that situation, I would be staying home too. She is so darn cute!!! -♥- Rachel (For the Birds)

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  6. I don't think it's dumb at all to feel that way about having a someone else provide for you 100%! You really have to trust someone a lot to do that and it IS really scary. When I first got married I was till in nursing school so I quit my job to focus on school while he worked. It was terrifying. Like you said, it's tough to switch to that after always working and providing for yourself.

    Anyways, thanks for sharing something so personal. We don't have kids yet but when they do come I know both of us aren't going to be able to work so it's good to hear what other moms are doing. It sounds like you'll be very happy with the new arrangement even if it takes some time to get used to mentally. Best of luck to you and your sweet daughter!

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  7. Being the child of a stay at home mom and a future stay at home mom myself, I applaud you. And I understand the weirdness about putting all your trust in your husband for finances, but isn't that the sweetness of marriage? He sees you being completely sacrificial for Bianca that he's willing to do the same for both of you. I think that is just beautiful. Believe me when I say that she will be thankful later down the road when she looks back and sees her mom sharing those moments with her.

    It may not pay monetarily, but it pays eternally. (:

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  8. First, Bianca's eyes are beautiful. Secondly, don't let the internet make you feel like a bad person for choosing to be with your daughter. You are the only person with true insight into your life, finances, and amount of family around you -- so you have every right to make such a huge decision! Bianca is beyond fortunate to come from a family that is able to do such a thing and she will totally appreciate it. Plus you're relatively young and when she starts going to school, you can always go back to work or by then potentially have new career interests -- if that's what you want. You have to do what's best for you and your adorable family. Especially if you plan to only have one child than it's even more important that you spend that much more time with Bianca because you might not get another chance to see your kid grow!

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  9. No matter the situation, I am sure it is hard to make the decision to stay home. And likewise the decision to go back to work. No easy answers; only what is the right answer for your family.

    And, as Jessica pointed out- Bianca will only ever be your baby girl once. The days are long, but the years are short :)

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  10. I am a staunch Feminist and think it's great you want to stay at home if you can! It's clearly your choice, and sounds like a smart one to me! Plus daycare can be super expensive. Bianca is SO CUTE. I love all her facial expressions! I'm surprised your Mat leave is up so soon!

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  11. My husband and I made the decision for me to stay home with our daughter, too. It worked for our family and was one of the best decisions we ever made!

    I think it's a wonderful decision that you both have made! There is nothing like being there for every moment :) and I don't think it makes you less of a feminist. Well done!

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  12. Good on you :-) Enjoy this time with your beautiful baby <3 Happy weekend :-) xx

    http://www.sweetcandydreamer.com

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  13. I'm so happy for you! You won't regret being home with her :)

    xoxo, The Occasional Indulgence

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  14. Congratulations on making a decision that works for you and your loved ones! This feminist sister (along with many who have already commented above) supports you in doing what it takes to have a happy, fulfilling life :) It also totally makes sense that you'd have mixed feelings (guilt, etc.) while going through a big change like this. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, and these adorable photos of your little one! The longest I've had to take care of a little baby was for five hours, and that alone was a huge challenge, so I appreciate the work you're doing and wish you the best!

    adventuresinhel.blogspot.fi 

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  15. I'm so late reading this, but hooray for your decision! I've worried about the same thing when I look into my future. I hate that people look down on stay-at-home moms these days. Daycare is expensive and you also have to factor in the cost of missing those important milestones and being able to be a fully present parent. My mom stayed at home with us and I'm so glad. We did a lot of neat stuff when I was growing up and spent a lot of time with our mom, which I think helps with how close a relationship we have today. Plus the attention a parent can give to teach a small child one-on-one is so valuable.

    Anyway, I think your decision was intelligent. Only you know your situation. It's not anti-feminist at all! I would hope that if I made the same decision some day people wouldn't judge me as lazy or something, but there's always those negative people out there. I just think time with your child is something that can never be replaced. You can always go back to work when Bianca starts school full time anyway! You do you!

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  16. You're such a great mom Ashley and I'm proud of you for making a tough decision and staying true to yourself!

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